ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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