my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
