I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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