my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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