Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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