funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
