fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
