Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
