every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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