It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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