ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
