Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
