No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
