the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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