You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i believe in u and ur pee
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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