Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
