I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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