I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
