Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
