Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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