Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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