I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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