the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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