Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he just fucked me for my cheese..
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
