remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
