I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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