If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
