If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
