Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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