You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
