I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
