nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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