He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize