I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
