Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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