I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
