It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize