yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
