I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize