I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
