She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
