My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
