Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
