Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
