So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
