I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I need to stop coming to work sober
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
