just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
