My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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