come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
