True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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