You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
