god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she told me i tasted like america
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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