he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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