I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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