I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
