That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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