mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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