Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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