No stitches, just platelets and will power
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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