Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
