You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
