i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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