We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
