There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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