he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize