dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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