Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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