So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
