I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
