White coat. Heels.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
