Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
