I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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